I would never be right for him, I am too weak, too lost. It would be too unfair to him to have to save me, to fix me, I’m not savable, not fixable. ‘I am not letting you go, I won’t ever let you go.’ His words confused me. Not letting me go I understood, I was ready to hurl myself off the building, it was the not ever letting me go part the confused me. Why? Why would he never let me go? Was he going to be like the person I just escaped from? Wait… why would I ever think that? Of course he wouldn’t be, this is Jake. But then why would he say that? He can’t have feelings for me right? I mean I’m me. Bruised, battered, broken, and ready to throw myself off a roof. Used, weathered, damaged. Nothing. That’s what I am. I am nothing. So it can’t be that. Maybe it’s because we’ve known each other so long, maybe he feels obligated because of that. Then again, it’s been years since I last saw him, so it’s not like he knows me anymore. Maybe it’s because he thinks he’s saving the person he. So I took off my clothes (thankful that it was a warm summer night), took liberal amounts of K.Y. jelly, lay on the bed on my side, and started easing the dildo into my rear hole. I had to make myself relax and take my time, but eventually I got it in, and after sliding it a little, I felt a lot better about the idea of taking Dave's cock, and even began to look forward to it a little--as an adventure, that is.Well, the next part of the instructions made me just as nervous after I figured them out. The cords, it turns out, were cleverly designed so I could tie myself spreadeagled to the bed--which is what I was asked to do. I could tie my legs, then the ties for my arms were made so I could tie chords to my wrists, then attach them with a kind of snap/hook to chords tied to the upper corners of the bed. The bag also had a Walkman, a blindfold, and a gag. I was instructed to put on the earphones with the music turned up loud, blindfold myself, then hook the cords to my arms so I was.
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